god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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