Non-Jews are for practice
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Randomize
