I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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