i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
