Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
