At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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