You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
barbara walters just said penis...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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