youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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