don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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