you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
