tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
