i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You should frame my arrest warrant.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
