Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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