he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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