Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
