I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
