I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
