I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
