pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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