i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
