I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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