I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
