next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
My life is pants optional.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
