PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
