This is not my ceiling
Porn is love you can see.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
