Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
She's like a pop up book from hell.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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