I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
