Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
