I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
