I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
