My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
