when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
