A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
false alarm. still invincible.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
