i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
