last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
