I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
