do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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