some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
