If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
be right there i have to get my cape
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
