We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I stole a fireplace last night.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
