im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
