I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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