You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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