you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
