why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
