Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
