Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
