wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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