Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
