Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
