Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
