nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
