not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
