I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
